Hey, Idiot.

Hey Idiot,

They're called U-turns. Not "four-points-in-the-freaking-middle-of-the-road-turns."

Excuse me.

Sometimes I drift from my original intentions of this blog. The title (in your natural habitat), as some may remember, referred to stupid people in their natural habitat. You may recall this from my story of a crazy patchwork-patterned-pantsed man who frolicked across Michigan avenue. If not, look it up.

Now I'd like to share with you a story.

The funniest thing I heard yesterday was this phrase: "excuse me."

On its own, it isn't a particularly funny phrase, but in the context, it was.

I was standing in a very crowded Urban Outfitters in the front of the store near a display of wacky gifts and books. After looking at some books at one table (One was the Snuggie Sutra about getting intimate under your favorite sleeved blanket) I moved on to the table of assorted novelties, which included test tube shot glasses, color-your-own piggy banks and a Fischer Price plastic record player. As I flipped through a Star Wars flipbook, a 20-something man behind me said "excuse me."

He was reaching for a hamburger phone next to me, mounted atop a pyramid of boxes of the Juno prop.

What really got me was that this man could not wait. He could not bear one more second of me standing between him and his beloved hamburger phone. It was all too urgent that I step aside as he reached for this communication device to show his mom/his friend/his brother. He needed it right then and there. No, he did not say "excuse me, I REALLY need to look at this hamburger phone while you browse through that sci-fi flip book. I cannot feign interest in this "12 days of Christmas drinking games" kit as you inadvertently block me from this desired hunk of junk-food shaped plastic speaker."

But he did. It was all implied in the tone of "excuse me."


http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=15259492&itemdescription=true&navAction=jump

Is it possible...?

I wanted to Google "is it possible to drink a gallon of milk in one hour" because my roommate claims it's not true (due to the size of your stomach and volume of a gallon).

I got as far as "is it possible to" in the search field and the automatic suggestion scroll yielded some interesting results. Apparently there are many women out there who are sexually uninformed...the first three results were:
"is it possible to get pregnant on your period"
"is it possible to be pregnant and still get your period"
"is it possible to get pregnant right after your period"


I am not going to get into the exact science of it, but YES, you can get pregnant while on your period or right after. And I am sure there is some scientific miracle that allows you to get your period while pregnant, but I don't know the exact details of that.

ANYWAYS...

back to my milk drinking conundrum.
One of the first results was this, a site where a guy dared his coworker to drink a gallon of milk in an hour, and hold it in for another hour.
http://www.loudermilk.org/milk/

I really want to try this. I mean, I hate puking, so I know that would NOT be fun...but the idea of drinking a gallon of milk in an hour seems like a piece of cake. Actually, I would probably be unable to eat a piece of cake in an hour b/c it's too sweet, so that's a bad analogy. But when super thirsty at dinner, I have the capability of drinking a third of a gallon of milk. My favorite cup at home is a 3/4 liter cup that makes the meal so much better by not raising the need for me to refill it as much (maybe only once, now).

Without a meal, I could totally stomach more milk. I LOVE milk. It would be great.
Someday, I will be up to this challenge.


One thing I wouldn't be able to stomach is a ton of peanut butter. Three hours ago I ate banana slices dipped in melted peanut butter and chocolate chips. And I STILL want to gag. I didn't even finish it...I ate half a banana. So, I don't recommend that.