I AM A CUBE FIST MAN!

I love this scene from Nick's Victorious.


GIFSoup

Book Trailers

Sometimes new books put out "trailers" to be able to advertise them on tv. Usually these trailers consist of a narration and some title graphics and pictures.

I have never seen a book trailer be nearly as deceiving as this one, where they make a whole cast of characters and waste three minutes of your time until you realize it is a book! Not even a show or movie.

Although, this trailer is so bad, with such horrible acting and a typical plot, that I can't imagine anyone actually wanting to see it. Er, read it.

Favorite parts:
"If you screw this up, you're going back to juvie. ENTIENDES?!"
and
"Hey. I'm throwing a party Friday night if you wanna come. You do party, right?"

Excuse me.

Sometimes I drift from my original intentions of this blog. The title (in your natural habitat), as some may remember, referred to stupid people in their natural habitat. You may recall this from my story of a crazy patchwork-patterned-pantsed man who frolicked across Michigan avenue. If not, look it up.

Now I'd like to share with you a story.

The funniest thing I heard yesterday was this phrase: "excuse me."

On its own, it isn't a particularly funny phrase, but in the context, it was.

I was standing in a very crowded Urban Outfitters in the front of the store near a display of wacky gifts and books. After looking at some books at one table (One was the Snuggie Sutra about getting intimate under your favorite sleeved blanket) I moved on to the table of assorted novelties, which included test tube shot glasses, color-your-own piggy banks and a Fischer Price plastic record player. As I flipped through a Star Wars flipbook, a 20-something man behind me said "excuse me."

He was reaching for a hamburger phone next to me, mounted atop a pyramid of boxes of the Juno prop.

What really got me was that this man could not wait. He could not bear one more second of me standing between him and his beloved hamburger phone. It was all too urgent that I step aside as he reached for this communication device to show his mom/his friend/his brother. He needed it right then and there. No, he did not say "excuse me, I REALLY need to look at this hamburger phone while you browse through that sci-fi flip book. I cannot feign interest in this "12 days of Christmas drinking games" kit as you inadvertently block me from this desired hunk of junk-food shaped plastic speaker."

But he did. It was all implied in the tone of "excuse me."


http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=15259492&itemdescription=true&navAction=jump

Airline Ticket Prices and how they are different

I found this article online and laughed out loud for a solid 3 minutes. And I am just talking about the first picture of the airplane.

http://www.cracked.com/funny-4900-air-travel/

A wondrous discovery

Recently I bought a new computer for work use, since my old one sounds like a car engine when it is on, and suffice it to say may not work in a month.

Unfortunately, unless I wanna buy one of those 7 inch baby screen laptops, all new Windows computers have Windows 7.

To that, I say, "Change is bad."

Today, though, while doing some work on my new laptop, I made this exciting discovery. So exciting that I dedicate a blog post solely to the "show desktop" button.



You have no idea how much easier this makes life for me.

However, it took me about 10 minutes in this new version of PAINT to be able to make that image.

I crack myself up.

My friend started a Facebook group about the mall near us called "Randhurst"
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Randhurst_Mall). It was called "admit it, you still think randhurst is the shit." However, it was pretty much a joke because randhurst sucks big time. Or at least, it did. They recently knocked it down.

But when it still was around, it was a huuuuge hangout for middle-schoolers (when I was a kid), and I remember my mom dropping me off there with friends to kill a few hours, then she'd pick us up. Looking back, though, it was super lame. I mean, Carson Pirie Scott was the main anchor department store. Yikes, talk about a recipe for disaster. The stores in there never seemed to survive very long, and half of the storefronts were empty because they just weren't in business.

The place was so old it had A BOMB SHELTER. My dad said he remembered it as like, the only mall around when he was a kid. Think about how disappointing that would have been. Actually, it probably had its glory days in the 60s and 70s.

But in the 90s, half of the mall was composed of abandoned store fronts. It even had a food court...then it completely closed and it was as pathetic looking as those used-to-be-pay-phone-areas at hotels and public buildings. You know, where it's all not lit up and there are exposed wires poking out of the wall, longing to be needed for something.

Just read this excerpt from the aforementioned wikipedia article about the decade of the 90's at randhurst:

In 1990, Bergner's - which had acquired Carson Pirie Scott in 1989 - closed their Randhurst store, allowing the Carson Pirie Scott anchor to move into the grander ex-Wieboldt's building while JCPenney took over the former Carson Pirie Scott anchor. Wickes Furniture briefly occupied the Spiess anchor, until Circuit City and Old Navy took over the space in 1995; meanwhile, a new Filene's Basement minor anchor occupied the majority of the "bazaar" level. This brought Randhurst to its greatest level of occupancy ever - three major anchors and four minor anchors - and an all-time peak of 1,400,000 square feet (130,000 m2) of retail space.
The next ten years, however, would be much more difficult for Randhurst. The construction and expansion of multiple shopping malls in the area, especially the improvements to Woodfield Mall in nearby Schaumburg, devastated Randhurst's shopping base, as did the local population's general change in shopping tastes. The mall's management tried to compensate by updating the mall's decor and adding new Jewel-Osco and Home Depot stores at the perimeter of the mall (the Home Depot replacing the old Randhurst Ice Arena, Wards Auto Center and a Child World Store); despite this, foot traffic fell, and stores began disappearing from the mall at a rapid rate. This included the Filene's Basement minor anchor, which closed in 1999 (along with three other Chicago-area Filene's Basement stores).

Yes, that's right, there was actually a basement floor COMPELTELY UNUSED. And for those of you who don't know, Woodfield Mall is like, HUGE. I thought it was weird how there seemed to be so many out-of-towners at that mall all the time, even from other countries. Then I realized that they were visiting Chicago, then came all the way out to Schaumburg to go to Woodfield. People from OTHER COUNTRIES were coming to Woodfield during their vacation to Chicago: it was that special.

I was looking at the group the other day, and I saw a wall post I put on there that made me laugh out loud. God, I'm so clever.

"I like how after Katie just made this a few weeks ago that we have two FEWER members today. People joined it for like twelve days and quit. Those quitters will prolly end up being franchise owners at Randhurst someday."

Those friendly Americans!

I always wondered about a Brit's perspective of America. And after some searching, here it is...

An article about a man's opinion of the American way of life, the attitude and the culture.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/books/review/Dyer-t.html


A list of the top 50 things this writer found excellent about America...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2002/jun/11/usa.comment

Craigslist: A place for the everyman who just wants ice cream cargo drops.

Craigslist has gotten a bad reputation. All it wants to do is be a meeting place, a communal online bulletin board for those seeking needs, or those offering them.

Sometimes these offers are for jobs, furniture, actors, models, assistance, etc.

We have needs, people! Needs that need to be fulfilled! Needs like brownies and ice cream!

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bal/1589192642.html

He just wants some ice cream and brownies! Is that so much to ask? When you get snowed in and have a dire craving for some snacks and have an excess amount of money to offer for it, WHY THE HELL NOT? People get hungry. Can you just, like, drop off some food for the guy? I mean, however you wanna get it there. Like cargo drops are good. Oh wait, he specifically asked for no cargo drops. So, could you just hand-deliver them?




Or this man, who just wants someone to bedazzle jackets and dance and do non-homoerotic things to the song "Beat It" by Michael Jackson.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/1755781713.html

He is NOT GAY. Not gay. I mean, he's gotten with hot chicks as recently as just now. He said so.



So anytime anyone has a very strange need or want, they go to this site. And you can see their awesomeness right here:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/